300+ [BEST] Funny Status for WhatsApp in English (2024)

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• Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed. 😎 

• Where there is a will, there are 100
• It’s better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
• I need 6 months’ vacation, twice a year.
• I am not stubborn, I am just always right.
• Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
• C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping.
• Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.
• I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
• If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.
• The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.
• Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.
• A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the AT
• Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
• Do you know the meaning of ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forgets everything done & Catches new boy Again.
• There are a lot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.
• Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA. Wakkawakka 😛
• If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

• I should have come with a manual. I confuse myself.
• For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

• The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

• As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.
• When everything’s coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
• If you can’t convince them, confuse them
• Whenever I find key to success, someone changes the lock.

• I can handle pain until it hurts.
• Even fools seem smart when they are quiet
• “It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
• If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.
• Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
• A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

• If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.
• Take my advice — I’m not using it.
• I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
• My job is secure. No one else wants it.
• For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
• Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
• My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.
• A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
• My wallet is like onion, opening it makes me cry.
• I love my job only when I am on vacation
• Don’t Live Your Life on Assumptions!! They are Best kept for Physics and Maths!!
• If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.
• It must be difficult to post inspirational status when your blood type is B Negative.
• The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
• The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”
• Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.
• If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
• The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
• Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
• I speak two languages, Body and English.
• How can I miss something I never had?
• I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
• Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
• If you can’t find the key to success, change the damn lock.
• Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
• Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.

For Your Friends

• Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
• If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.
• Why is abbreviation such a long word?
• When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
• Love is 1 drink and 2 Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”
• Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

About Love

• Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!
• When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
• I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
• The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
• While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
• Lovely days in my life: Childhood Days, School Days & collage Days, Horrible days in my life: ONLY EXAM DAYS.
• The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
• Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear makeup and boys lie.
• If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.
• Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpick?
• Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

For Girls and Boys

• Women only need 5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.
• Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
• Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

• You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.
• If life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eye.
• I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.
• Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
• If swimming is an exercise then why do whales are fat.
• “Always be true to yourself” because you only lie to others!
• You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
• The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do.
• Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does.
• Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

Put a Smile on Everyone’s Face

• A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
• Some wise guy created Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature.
• I feel like I should clean the house, so I am going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.
• People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.
• People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?
• Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius.
• The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
• I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
• Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
• I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention
• I have not failed, my success is just postponed for some time.
• One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF.
• I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknlfueufuancakhufhjcnk.
• Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off.
• Life is too short to update WhatsApp statuses
• If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
• Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there
• I don’t make mistakes. I date them.
• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
• I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
• I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
• I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
• If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
• Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices… you are one of them.
• When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
• On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
• A day without sunshine is like, night.
• A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
• 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
• Death is hereditary.
• I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
• If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
• Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
• Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
• You never know what you have until you clean your room.
• With great power comes great electricity bill.
• A jealous woman does better research than FBI.
• People say you cannot live without love, I think oxygen is more important.
• Life is not a fairytale, if you miss your shoe at night, you are drunk.
• Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
• If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
• My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.
• I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
• Easiest way to feel smart is sharing smart quotes.
• Sometimes it hurts physically to hold in my sarcastic comments.
• Everyone atleast needs one friendship..based on sarcasm and flirt.
• If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
• People like you are the reason, people like me need meditation.
• I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.
• You bring out the best insults in me.
• You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the things I hold back!
• Words cannot express how much I don’t care
• I am not single. I am in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.
• Don’t make me mess your world up with the truth.
• I don’t like morning people..or morning.. or people!
• The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
• If you’re born in the month of September, it is pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
• Old fart, young heart.
• Life is not a fairy tale, If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
• Females are really funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthdays.
• I wonder how on my birthday I get presents and money. I get paid for being born. It is like being Kim Kardashian for a day.
• I’m not 30, I’m 17 with 13 years of experience!
• How to kill all your enemies? SMILE. 😀
• Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
• I was gonna make you a rum cake but now I am drunk this is just a cake.
• Enjoy your day, you’re not extinct yet!
• No, there can’t be a crisis today. The boss is on leave.
• My fate line shows a long road with a lot of traffic jams!
• I drink to forget I drink.
• Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

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• ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.
• I Graduated from the University of Selfies!
• My study period = 15 My break time = 3 hours.
• I Think The Woman Who Invented The Phrase “All Men Are The Same” Was A Chinese Woman Who Lost Her Husband In The Crowd.
• If You`Re Texting Two People At The Same Time, You Are Bi-textual.
• I desperately need a fixed income – Mine is broken.
• Why’s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn’t need cleaning yet.
• Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.
• Women love shoes because no matter how much & whatever they eat, the shoe always fits.
• Marriage is like a workshop. Husband works and my wife shops.
• Status Unavailable, please try and reload again.
• Phones are better than GF, At least we can switch it off.
• I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
• Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.
• when nothing seems right then go left.Hey there! I am not using whatsapp.
• Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years… And then we met…!
• Too busy to update a status.
• You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status. Jidharapna CRUSH hai, udharhichsala RUSH hai and filhaaltimepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he.
• Attitude!
• People with status don’t need status.
• Sometimes I just wish I’ could fast forward the time to see if, in the end, it’s all worth it.
• A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
• If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.
• I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
• All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
• Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
• I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
• Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
• Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
• Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.
• I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.
• God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.
• For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.
• I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.
• If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
• Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
• Definition of a human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.- say no to exams.
• We also read these funny pages in leisure time.
• Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
• I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz.
• Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

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