300+ [BEST] Funny Status for WhatsApp in English (2020)

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Are you looking for the most hilarious WhatsApp statuses in English? We have the best collection to add humor to your life. 😉
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  • Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed. 😎 

funny status for whatsapp

  • Where there is a will, there are 100
  • It’s better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.funny exam status
  • I need 6 months’ vacation, twice a year.
  • I am not stubborn, I am just always right.
  • Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
  • C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping.
  • Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.
  • I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
  • If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.
  • The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.
  • Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.
  • A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATfunny status
  • Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
  • Do you know the meaning of ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forgets everything done & Catches new boy Again.
  • There are a lot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.
  • Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA. Wakkawakka 😛
  • If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

whatsapp funny status

  • I should have come with a manual. I confuse myself.
  • For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

funny images for whatsapp groups

  • The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

english funny status

  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.
  • When everything’s coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them
  • Whenever I find key to success, someone changes the lock.

funny status for whatsapp in english

  • I can handle pain until it hurts.
  • Even fools seem smart when they are quiet
  • “It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
  • If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.
  • Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
  • A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

funny jokes in english

  • If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.
  • Take my advice — I’m not using it.
  • I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
  • My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  • For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
  • Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
  • My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.
  • A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
  • Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
  • My wallet is like onion, opening it makes me cry.
  • I love my job only when I am on vacation
  • Don’t Live Your Life on Assumptions!! They are Best kept for Physics and Maths!!
  • If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.
  • It must be difficult to post inspirational status when your blood type is B Negative.
  • The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
  • The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”
  • Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.
  • If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
  • The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
  • Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
  • I speak two languages, Body and English.
  • How can I miss something I never had?
  • I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
  • Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
  • If you can’t find the key to success, change the damn lock.
  • Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
  • Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.

For Your Friends

  • Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
  • If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  • When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
  • Love is 1 drink and 2 Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”
  • Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

About Love

  • Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!
  • When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  • If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
  • I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
  • The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
  • While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
  • Lovely days in my life: Childhood Days, School Days & collage Days, Horrible days in my life: ONLY EXAM DAYS.
  • The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
  • Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear makeup and boys lie.
  • If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.
  • Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpick?
  • Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

For Girls and Boys

  • Women only need 5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.
  • Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?funny whatsapp images
  • Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

short Funny Quotes

  • You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.
  • If life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eye.
  • I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.
  • Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
  • If swimming is an exercise then why do whales are fat.
  • “Always be true to yourself” because you only lie to others!
  • You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
  • The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do.
  • Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does.
  • Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

Put a Smile on Everyone’s Face

  • A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.funny quotes images
  • Some wise guy created Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature.
  • I feel like I should clean the house, so I am going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.
  • People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.
  • People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?
  • Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius.
  • The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
  • I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
  • Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  • Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
  • I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention
  • I have not failed, my success is just postponed for some time.
  • One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF.
  • I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknlfueufuancakhufhjcnk.
  • Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off.
  • Life is too short to update WhatsApp statuses
  • If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
  • Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there
  • I don’t make mistakes. I date them.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
  • I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
  • I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices… you are one of them.
  • When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
  • A day without sunshine is like, night.
  • A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  • 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
  • Death is hereditary.
  • I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
  • If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
  • Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
  • Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  • You never know what you have until you clean your room.
  • With great power comes great electricity bill.
  • A jealous woman does better research than FBI.
  • People say you cannot live without love, I think oxygen is more important.
  • Life is not a fairytale, if you miss your shoe at night, you are drunk.
  • Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
  • If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  • My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.
  • I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
  • Easiest way to feel smart is sharing smart quotes.
  • Sometimes it hurts physically to hold in my sarcastic comments.
  • Everyone atleast needs one friendship..based on sarcasm and flirt.
  • If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
  • People like you are the reason, people like me need meditation.
  • I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.
  • You bring out the best insults in me.
  • You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the things I hold back!
  • Words cannot express how much I don’t care
  • I am not single. I am in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.
  • Don’t make me mess your world up with the truth.
  • I don’t like morning people..or morning.. or people!
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • If you’re born in the month of September, it is pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
  • Old fart, young heart.
  • Life is not a fairy tale, If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
  • Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
  • Females are really funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthdays.
  • I wonder how on my birthday I get presents and money. I get paid for being born. It is like being Kim Kardashian for a day.
  • I’m not 30, I’m 17 with 13 years of experience!
  • How to kill all your enemies? SMILE. 😀
  • Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.
  • I was gonna make you a rum cake but now I am drunk this is just a cake.
  • Enjoy your day, you’re not extinct yet!
  • No, there can’t be a crisis today. The boss is on leave.
  • My fate line shows a long road with a lot of traffic jams!
  • I drink to forget I drink.
  • Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
[table id=funnystatusforwhatsapp /]
  • ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.
  • I Graduated from the University of Selfies!
  • My study period = 15 My break time = 3 hours.
  • I Think The Woman Who Invented The Phrase “All Men Are The Same” Was A Chinese Woman Who Lost Her Husband In The Crowd.
  • If You`Re Texting Two People At The Same Time, You Are Bi-textual.
  • I desperately need a fixed income – Mine is broken.
  • Why’s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn’t need cleaning yet.
  • Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.
  • Women love shoes because no matter how much & whatever they eat, the shoe always fits.
  • Marriage is like a workshop. Husband works and my wife shops.
  • Status Unavailable, please try and reload again.
  • Phones are better than GF, At least we can switch it off.
  • I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
  • Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.
  • when nothing seems right then go left.Hey there! I am not using whatsapp.
  • Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years… And then we met…!
  • Too busy to update a status.
  • You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status. Jidharapna CRUSH hai, udharhichsala RUSH hai and filhaaltimepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he.
  • Attitude!
  • People with status don’t need status.
  • Sometimes I just wish I’ could fast forward the time to see if, in the end, it’s all worth it.
  • A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
  • I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  • If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.
  • I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
  • All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
  • Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
  • I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
  • Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
  • Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
  • Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.
  • I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.
  • God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.
  • For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.
  • I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.
  • If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
  • Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
  • Definition of a human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.- say no to exams.
  • We also read these funny pages in leisure time.
  • Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
  • I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz.
  • Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Also, Check out our Hillarious collection of 
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